Hilarious Jokes

 

What is the difference between optimist and pessimist?

An optimist created the airplane, a pessimist created the seat belt.

When optimist has half glass of water, he says Glass is almost full, but pessimist says glass is almost empty.

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Small old lady visiting  the doctor's office and says, “Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office.”
The doctor says, “I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week.
The next week the lady goes back to his office. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!”
The doctor says, “Good, Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”


My friend hit big in Las Vegas! He drove there in a $12,000 car, and returned home in a $50,000 bus!

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I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I
don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the
last day of her life?

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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother, rather than all the major credit cards.

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Judge:
"The charge is the theft of sixteen radios. Are you defendant?

Defendant:
"No sir. I am the guy who stole the radios!"

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If
you can't find a lawyer who knows the law, find a lawyer who knows the judge!


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