Very Funny Jokes Ever.

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A beggar knocks on a door and a irritated housewife irritated
answer:  - Who are you and what do you want, loser?

- Well you know, if you have some empty bottles of beer, which
I could sell ...

- Do I look like I drink beer?

- Um ... then some empty bottles of vinegar?



If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
couple of payments.



Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.



Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.



Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
and beat you with experience.



John comes home and asks Mary:

- What would you do if I won the lottery?

- I'd take half and leave you, reply Mary.

- Perfect, says John. I won $ 12. Take 6 and get lost!



A young woman enters a beauty shop and begins to carefully
peruse the shelves with perfumes.

- Can I help you? The seller asks helpful.
- I want my husband to give me more attention. Do you have a perfume that smells like a computer?



There was once a child. When he was young he wanted to become
a "great" writer.

When he was asked to define "great" he said,

"I want to write stuff that the whole world to read, stuff that people
react emotionally at, that make them cry, scream, struggle with grief, despair
and anger!"

Now works for Microsoft writing error messages ...